I often hear, "I should be over it by now" Why can't I move on?
People typically contact me when, following a loss, someone has said to them, surely they "should have moved on by now."
Following a bereavement, many people don't necessarily need counselling or psychotherapy.
Grief isn't simply one feeling, but encompasses a range of feelings, and is a natural process which takes time and is unique to each individual.
Friends and family support can be enormously beneficial at this time. Where words may sometimes feel inadequate, simply "being there" can be enough. For some, practical help with chores may be invaluable whilst they come to terms with what's happened.
If there comes a point however where a person feels they are struggling to function day to day and they feel stuck with feelings of hopelessness and despair, then, this unresolved grief may be helped by exploring those feelings with a professional.
Factors that may increase the risk of developing this complicated grief include:
- An unexpected death of a loved one, death of a child, miscarriage and stillbirth, lack of a support system, family or friendships, past history of depression, and traumatic childhood experiences.
Therapy offers a chance to explore grief reactions.
- Sometimes it can be useful, with the therapist, to hold imagined conversations with the loved one and retell the circumstances of the death to help the person become less distressed by images and thoughts.
This can be an opportunity to be with a therapist who will listen to a person's experience, give them time to talk and support them as they explore their feelings and, in time, begin to live life again.
